


blood and water

by asexuelf



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic, Death in the Family, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Neglect, Loss of Parent(s), Modern Thedas, Neopronouns, Other, Polyamory, Polyamory - Triad, Pride 2019, Queerplatonic Relationships, Varric Tethras is a Good Friend, aromantic varric tethras, because dalish gender is different, bigender fenris, fae/faer pronouns, i wrote this fic for me but you can read it if you want, just the nichest, leaving velanna and merrill up to interpretation, or is the ship name vaelthras, qpp sebric, she/they pronouns, this is a very niche fic, ze/hir pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 12:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19199221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexuelf/pseuds/asexuelf
Summary: Fenris receives a phone call at work that leads to car rides, crying, cuddles, and soup.Or; the fic where Merrill receives a lot of love.





	blood and water

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this as a little gift to myself for pride month because ive been feeling real low lately. please do not leave transphobic comments on this work - if it upsets you so very much to see neopronouns then close out of the tab. it's really very easy. you just click the back button or you click the 'x' that will close the tab. thank you so very much.
> 
> also, heads up: if you arent aware, dear reader, a "zucchini" refers to a platonic or alterous partner and can be used to describe someone in an aromantic relationship (much like qpp)! its an older term i havent seen used too much recently, but i wrote it into the fic because ive always thought the term was pretty cute. + diamour is a term referring to a nonbinary lover, taken from the word "diamoric" which bascially means "attracted to nonbinary people".
> 
> anyways, hope you enjoy!

It was only 11 in the morning and already, the weight of the day sat heavy on Fenris' shoulders. Ze'd already been chewed out by a customer for the price of cigarettes (as if it was hir fault the Templar's usual brand wasn't being sold), dropped hir keys in the mop bucket when ze went to use the restroom, and now ze found hirself anxiously watching the door.

Jethann said it scared the customers to do that, but the ring of the door opening scared Fenris more, so ze figured that made it even. If ze had to flinch every time someone walked in, afraid that hir abuser was going to storm in any minute, then customers could handle wondering if the freaky Tevinter elf behind the register was reading their mind. It's not like ze got tips anyways - the jar that sat by the register had three coppers at the bottom and had for quite some time. It was almost enough to make hir miss working in food service (though nothing could ever be that dire).

Ze'd only just finished explaining that those coupons don't work here, ser, I apologize, they seem to be for a _different_ store, and _no,_ I can't give you the discount anyways, when ze got a phone call. The number of people who had hir contact information was minuscule and they all knew to call only during an emergency.

Fenris quickly fished the vibrating phone out of hir pocket and upon seeing Velanna's name, answered immediately. Jethann quickly shuffled over to keep ringing up the customer ze'd left behind.

"What's wrong?" Fenris couldn't quite keep the urgency out of hir words.

"It's Merrill…" Velanna's voice was urgent and sad, but not panicked. Despite hirself, Fenris felt hir body relax, if only by a fraction. "Faer Keeper seems to have… passed away. Fae got the news from one of the members of faer old clan."

If only for Merrill, Fenris' heart broke a little. Ze wasn't fond of the Keeper fae sometimes talked about (for many reasons), but ze was fond of hir diamour. Ze knew fae had to be hurting right now.

"Should I come home?" Ze asked. "Is Merrill okay?"

"Er," She thought for a moment. Then they sighed. "Maybe. I know fae'd feel bad if you took off early, but I think Merrill needs us right now. Faer just lying in our bed, crying…"

Hir chest tightened. Poor Merrill… "I'll have Aveline come get-" Ah, but she couldn't. Aveline had just had surgery and wouldn't be driving - or doing much of anything, really - for some time yet. "Hm."

"Maybe Sebastian could pick you up?"

One would think she owed the man money with how reluctant she sounded. Ze cracked a smile. "You and Merrill hate him. I know that. I don't need to make your day worse."

"His partner, then." Her tone was sharp, but ze could hear her smile regardless. She didn't correct hir. "Varric shouldn't be too busy."

"I'll call him." Fenris paused. "Send Merrill my love, will you?"

"Of course, Fenris." And then they hung up, leaving their diamour with those parting words alone.

That was one of the differences between Velanna and Merrill that ze found endearing. Velanna would hang up without so much as a goodbye, but Merrill would drag one out, saying as many different variations of _I love you, be safe, is it alright to hang up now?,_ as fae knew how.

Fenris sighed again, as ze'd been doing a lot of already, and began dialing Varric before catching hirself.

Ze turned to Jethann who smiled and waved a dismissive hand, as if to say _just go, I'll deal with the boss_. Samson was a bit of a bleeding heart, so it wasn't going to be much trouble for Jethann, but ze still felt grateful (and a little guilty). And Jethann was covering hir shift, too - it may just be a few hours behind the counter at a shitty convenience store, but they were Fenris' hours and the people of Kirkwall were unkind to their retail workers. Ze appreciated it beyond measure.

Already thinking of ways to pay Jethann back, Fenris dialed the rest of Varric's number and waited. Maybe ze could buy some of his nudes? Ze knew Jethann did online sex work - would supporting him that way be weird? It would be awkward to buy a coworker's nudes, right? Maybe ze should just send some money to his Paypal-

"Broody?"

"Varric." Despite the situation, Fenris couldn't help but relax at the familiar cadence of hir dear friend's voice. "I need a ride."

There was a sigh on the other end, followed by some shuffling - papers, perhaps? "Need to get home to Daisy, eh? News travels fast when you're…" He trailed off and the shuffling started up again. "I can pick you up soon. Anything to get away from this paperwork."

A part of Fenris wanted to laugh, thinking of Varric so harried, but ze also sympathized. Varric had a lot on his plate these days between becoming Viscount and then being made to deal with the backlash of the people finding out said Viscount was aromantic.

Even so much later, Fenris still heard customers whisper nasty things to each other about Varric… That anyone could believe Varric to be heartless was unthinkable to Fenris, but people had their misconceptions. Ignorance was often much louder than sense.

Ze shook the thoughts out of hir head. "Thank you, Varric. No rush if you need to stay a bit longer."

The shuffling started up again, as well as what sounded like a drawer opening and closing, and Varric replied, "You couldn't pay me to stay here, Broody. If I have to sign one more form, I'll lose my mind. And I wanna give Daisy my condolences, if I can. I know what it's like to lose shitty family."

Fenris thought of the mother ze barely remembered, the sister ze never spoke to, and then the Tethras signet ring on his left hand. "I think fae'll be happy to see you. Comforted, at least."

"I hope so. You at work this time of day?" There was muffled grumbling on the other side, like Varric was struggling with something - maybe reaching for his keys? His coat? "Shit, you work Thursday to Monday, right? Is today even Monday?"

Fenris' lip quirked up sympathetically. Varric must have been exhausted. "Yes. I'm at the Cousland and Sons near the Hanged Man."

"Like always. Take the steps and meet me in the Lantern District?"

"It will be done. Drive safely, Varric."

"Watch where you step, Broody. See ya."

The walk wasn't a long one, nor did it take long for Varric to arrive after that, but they still pulled up in the apartment parking lot closer to noon than 11:30. They moved quickly up the steps and to the one-bedroom Fenris shared with hir lovers.

When they arrived at the door (a sickly shade of yellow just like all the others), Fenris went to grab hir key from hir pocket, but there was no need - Velanna must have heard them come up, because she opened the door immediately.

Her face was usually stern and intense, but there was something about her face now that was drawn and serious. She seemed  tired, with a sort of sadness weighing on her shoulders, and Fenris was quick to kiss her.

"Hey, Willow," Varric greeted quietly. "Where's Daisy?"

"Merril's in the bedroom. Drinking calming tea." They swallowed, crossing their arms. "Although it doesn't appear to be working very well."

Fenris squeezed Velanna's hand, then left them in the living room/dining room to speak to Varric. Ze tried to keep hir steps quiet, but Merrill looked up as soon as ze poked hir head into the bedroom doorway.

Immediately, faer red-rimmed eyes filled with fresh tears. "Oh, Fenris…"

Fenris rushed forward to take hir diamour into hir arms, pressing firm kisses into faer unusually unruly hair. The braids fae usually kept were gone, making faer hair seem longer; it was wet as well, sticking to Fenris' cheek. Merrill liked to shower when fae felt bad; the warm water was relaxing, fae said.

It didn't seem that showering had done much good this time.

"I'm here, Merrill. I'm here."

For a long while, Merrill simply wept. Fae cried until fae had no more tears left. Fae cried for so long that at one point, Fenris found hirself thinking, _I hope the neighbors don't make any noise complaints_ , and then felt terribly guilty for it. After that very long while, the well ran dry, but misery still clung to Merrill, just like faer wet hair. All Fenris could do was be there, something to hold onto.

Merrill breathed shakily against hir chest, sniffing and coughing occasionally. They stayed like that undisturbed for so long, the smaller elf curled up against Fenris' chest, hir arms wrapped tightly around faer, that they both startled at a knock on the doorframe.

"Sorry, Daisy," Varric's smile was small, but crooked. "Willow said you hadn't eaten today, so I thought I'd cook up something a little familiar. It's the Hanged Man's recipe, _abridged version_ , anyway, but, uh… It'll make a turd?"

"Oh," Merrill's lip wobbled a bit as fae looked into the bowl. Fae took the bowl carefully into faer lap and stared at the oily broth and uneven chunks. "It's a bit like if the Hanged Man's surprise stew was a bit less … surprising!"

Varric chuckled. "Not many surprises in your kitchen, thankfully. I'm not much of a cook, but…"

"Oh, no, Varric, it's lovely. Really." Fae seemed to mean it, too, before taking a bite. "Oh. Yep, that's the Hanged Man stew."

Fenris laughed, with Varric looking bashfully amused as well. Still, Merrill continued to eat, slowly seeming to lose the tension in faer body.

"We haven't all been in such a long time," Fae continued. "We should go. Soon."

"You're right, Daisy. And we will - I promise."

Fenris kissed the curl of Merrill's vallaslin.

Velanna appeared in the doorway, looking tired. Fenris knew she had a hard time with so much going on at once - she could handle it, and handle it with stride, but it would make the evening very heavy for her. Filing away a reminder for hirself to do something for her later, Fenris shot her a smile.

Velanna looked back at hir softly, then at Merrill. "Feeling better?"

Spoon pausing midway to faer parted lips, Merrill nodded.

"I'm glad."

Varric looked between them all wistfully, then sighed. "Well, I've got to be going, I think. Hawke texted me a while ago - I've got to head back to the office. This city just can't stop having Qunari trouble."

Velanna wrinkled their nose. "The Qunari live here as well as anyone, dear Viscount. Don't be insensitive."

"Well now, it's not like I'm biased!" Varric joked. "I hate everyone equally."

"As if you're even capable of hate, you little marshmallow." Velanna's eyes rolled, but she was smiling.

"Little? Now who's being insensitive?"

The bit over, Velanna shooed Varric playfully and the two shuffled out of the doorway together.

Merrill and Fenris called out in unison, "Thank you, Varric!", and then laughed weakly.

"I love you!" Merrill continued.

"Love you, too, Daisy!" He called back to them. "And you, Broody!"

Fenris smiled and held Merrill closer.

There was a bit of mumbling, and then Velanna's laughter. Fenris wondered if they'd received Varric's love as well.

When the door closed behind him, the apartment became strangely silent. Merrill made a point of slurping at faer stew.

When Velanna returned, the three of them sat and looked at one another. Then Velanna began to undress for bed.

"You should get out of your work clothes, Fenris," Merrill turned to look at hir. "Bed’s more comfortable in sleep clothes."

"Of course." But ze took the time to press another kiss to Merrill's cheek. Then faer nose. Then faer lips. Then neck.

Merrill laughed weakly. "Oh, stop. Your jeans are chafing my legs, ma vhenan."

Finally, Fenris allowed Merrill to shift out of hir lap so ze could climb out of the small bed they shared - but not before bumping their noses together and stealing another kiss.

By the time Fenris was rustling through hir clothes, Velanna was dressed in comfortable smalls and a sleep shirt. They climbed into bed and gave Merrill their own kisses while Fenris changed.

"I'm still trying to eat, you know," Merrill teased.

Velanna wrinkled their nose. "I can't imagine why. I can only taste a trace of it and I already know I never want to eat at the Hanged Man in my life."

"That's Fenris you're tasting, surely."

Ze laughed. "I imagine they know the difference by now."

Velanna stuck her nose in the air. "One should certainly hope!" But, she let Merrill finish what was left in the bowl.

"Do you want some water?" Fenris asked.

"No thank you…"

"Velanna?"

They shook their head as well. "But thank you, Fenris."

So ze slipped between the covers and tight against Merrill's side, reaching over faer body to rest hir hand on Velanna's side. Velanna scooched just as close.

There was quiet for a while, the lot of them resting in bed, sleepclothes and all, despite it being only slightly past lunchtime. It was an awkward sort of silence that stuck there - put there because no one quite knew what to say.

What _does_ one say, Fenris wondered. Ze'd never lost anyone the way Merrill had, not really. This wasn't something Fenris had any kind of experience in.

So, Fenris said the only thing they knew would be appropriate. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not yet… Just-" Fae closed faer eyes tightly and took the kind of deep breath that stretches one's lungs to new capacity. "I just have to let it hurt."

"This will pass," Velanna's voice was low and gentle. She reached out to hold one of Merrill's hands, bringing it to her mouth to kiss the back of faer knuckles. "I know it hurts now, but-"

Merrill pressed faer fingers against her lips. "I know. You don't have to tell me."

Velanna smiled sadly, but understood.

Ze leaned over Merrill to kiss that sad smile, then leaned back to kiss Merrill's forehead. "Whatever you need," Fenris found hirself saying. "We'll provide."

Velanna didn't argue.

Merrill's eyes closed again. When fae spoke, fae sounded wistful. "I know. That's the part that hurts." Fae opened her eyes. "Why didn't Keeper Marethari do that? Why couldn't Keeper Marethari love me with the kindness that you both say you find so easy?"

Velanna put her head on faer chest and held on tightly.

"I don't know," Fenris replied truthfully.

"I only wanted to be a good First. I wanted to be a good Keeper." Merrill sighed. "There are so many things I'll never know. Did you keep me from the clan so I'd behave better? Did you isolate me for my own good - or for your own? Did you mean to hurt me?"

"Merrill…"

"I can't help but wonder if I've been taught all the wrong things. And now I'll never be a Keeper, so what was the point of all the time I spent away from my people? What was the point of hiding me away like I was something strange and wrong and- and demonic?"

Velanna and Fenris were very quiet.

"I'm sorry," Merrill said, and none of them knew who it was for.

Velanna sent Fenris a meaningful look and ze blinked before realizing what she wanted.

Fenris squeezed Merrill's hand gently, then carefully got up and shuffled hir way to the kitchen. Ze felt bad for not being beside Merrill, but ze knew Velanna would be better at this sort of conversation… They had a common ground here that ze simply didn't share.

Fenris tidied what little there was left of Varric's mess before grabbing a water to sip at. Ze still felt silly for getting bottled water when they all struggled so with money, but Kirkwall tap could barely be trusted - and Fenris couldn't stand the taste of it anyhow. Velanna and Merrill accommodated this with ease, like they did all hir needs. Ze only hoped ze was half the lover either of them were for hir.

After finishing off the entire bottle, Fenris figured ze'd given Velanna enough time. And sure enough, when ze came back into the bedroom, the two were quiet, Merrill with faer eyes closed and with Velanna's fingers combing through faer hair. As ze stepped closer, Fenris realized Merrill was asleep. Faer sniffles had been replaced by adorable snores.

"Good talk, I imagine?"

Velanna shrugged slowly, like their shoulders were heavy. "One can only hope," she said dryly. "But I think what I said helped."

Fenris wasn't sure how to ask what was said. Or if it was appropriate to ask.

"Oh… Um." Velanna stared up at hir then averted her eyes. "It's… Dalish. I'm not really sure how to translate it."

"Of course. I understand." Ze looked down again at Merrill, who was lying in hir usual spot, and smiled. "I'm just glad it brought peace."

"Me too."

With careful maneuvering, Velanna pressed closer to Merrill, making space on the other side of the bed for their diamour, but Fenris shook hir head.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm just thinking of making lunch first. Long day, but it's only halfway through. Are you hungry?"

"Not hungrier than I am tired." Ze chuckled as Velanna laid back further into the pillows. "I think I'll wait for supper."

Fenris hummed. "I think I will too, in that case. I'll cook us all something."

Velanna waited for Fenris to get into bed so they could pepper hir in kisses. "Thank you for coming home. I'm… lousy with emotions."

"You aren't." Fenris pressed closer to her, the two shuffling into a comfortable spoon. Ze murmured against her ear, "You're actually rather good at things like this."

"Not alone."

Ze wanted to tell her _you did well just now,_ but Velanna would take it differently than ze meant it. "That's why you have Merrill and I," ze said instead. "We're a team."

"Plus Varric."

When Fenris laughed, it bumped hir nose against Velanna's cheek. "Plus Varric and his zucchini."

"Ugh," Velanna curled an arm around Merrill and, in faer sleep, fae reached out and snuggled against her. "Today has been long enough without being made to remember _again_ that Sebastian exists."

"I think Sebastian is nice."

Ze couldn't see her, but ze knew she was making a face.

Fenris laughed, the movement jostling them both. "Perhaps you should nap now. No more Sebastian that way; just the Fade."

"An excellent idea…" Velanna stretched their legs out like a cat. "How did I end up with such intelligent people?"

"Like attracts like?"

"Excellent answer."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> again, please do not leave transphobic comments. you cannot make me stop being nonbinary. might as well save us both the trouble, yeah? if youve got a question and genuinely want to learn, however, dont be afraid to ask


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